I am leaving. I am leaving because, i can't have a constant reminder of what i used to do, and who i use to be. I can't be pestered any more about how my stoned work was better. I just want to forget. Take away all the things i did, all my memories. Im going someplace im not sure where though and i don't really care. Anywhere is better than here. Wading in a pool of filth of my past. I don't really care if anyone understands or not. I feel sick of what i used to do, and my memories are unpleasant and make me sick to my stomach. I loath myself, and i could have been 2 years closer to loving myself, if i had just left in the first place. I am wasting my time here. all i managed to get in my 24 years of life is a GED. thats nothing, i might as well slap a label that says failure. My art does not make me feel better, it makes me feel worse. 100 different ways to describe the same diesease. there is still somthing wrong with me. I am not proud of my life, its like looking at a wall that spans upwards and out wards to infinity, and i have to climb its cold, dark, filth stained walls. only to find that there is no end. That wall is the lump in my throat i feel all the time. That lump in my throat is the evil i cannot swallow, It is the memories i can't spit out. I awoke this morning and caught my self screaming "PLEASE DON'T GO" i wake up yelling alot. My desire is to start over, begin anew. if only i could have known now what i didn't know then. if only i learned anything other than how terrible a man can be seperated from his sanity with a layer of stupidity, rage, fear, insecurity, vanity. A fool can only give birth to fools, a failure will only birth more failure. A broken mind cannot be healed. nightmares, thoughts of how great life could have been. Thoughts of all the things that i could have been, all the things i wanted to be, Thoughts of all i am. Yes i am running away because i can't take it anymore. I am going to start a new name for myself, even change my own. This name of this screen name is just another reminder of just how much evil i am capible of, and like the fool that i am i wore it as a skin high on so much stuff lauphing like a freak about it. Everything i have done since leaving high school, was all for nothing. But the worse thing is the good memories haunt me more.